And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young. It never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.
It happened. I don’t need to wonder when my turn will be. I know the exact moment when you finally broke me.
Nothing for me was fake. It was all achingly real. The love I had for you was real. The struggle was real. The passion was real. The betrayal was real. My desire to move on, to love myself more than I have for the last three years, to build a life of compassion and kindness despite my new pessimism — those are all real.
Sometimes you don’t feel the weight of what you’ve been carrying until you feel the weight of its release. The years of compromise and secrets weighed heavily, and I am grateful to no longer be carrying those burdens. Why I allowed and encouraged you to marginalize my needs & importance, all while claiming you loved me, is something that requires deep perspective and soul-searching to guard myself from a repeat experience.
You cannot reach me anymore. You cannot hurt me ever again. There is no space in my life for you, not in 10 years, not in 30. You are gone and one day I will be far better for your absence than I ever was for your presence.
HEART (wrecker) 